Ed: I figured that this whole Slate/Wikipedia thing would blow over by the end of the week, and it has, pretty much. The discussion as to whether or not I deserve a Wikipedia entry is still ongoing, but has died down a bit. Before the week is up, however, I wanted to post a really weird bit of email that I received:
John Stamey of New York State writes:
I’m sorry, but I think I missed something in your story. Wasn’t Chewbacca a female? I mean you’d be having sex with a gigantic, bellowing monster from another planet but at least it wouldn’t be a GAY planet.
Forget the fact I’m jealous there might actually be a bunch of teenage girls engaging in anonymous sex with green, upturned collars. Forget the hundreds of dollars I spent on new shirts when I hate green.
Now, here’s a legitimate question. I really want to know, and I’m not fuckin’ with you. Exactly what satisfaction do you get from telling people like me there ain’t no Santa Claus? My self-respect left years ago along with my 3rd wife (not the divorce but the fact I married her) and I never had anything much approximating dignity. I have the memory span of a goldfish, and the dreadnaughts I’ve been screwing lately would tax the ability of a 15-year-old to achieve an erection, let alone a loser such as myself.. All I have left are my tawdry fantasies. Why did you piss on them? It’s not like I’m into Watersports.
If you and your brain have had the great misfortune of having watched the Star Wars Holiday Special then you know that Chewbacca is not only male (which is obvious anyway), but married and has a son.
That guy must’ve been high or something. That’s not even coherent.
First: It was one of my ex-wives who told me Chewbacca was a female, so I shoulda suspected it was bullshit.
Second: I find myself arguing over the gender of a six-foot dog from another planet.
Third: I was pretty much ripped to the tits when I wrote the original email so a minor ingredient – what eston calls “coherence”, apparently – got left out. By accident, though. Honest!
But, eston, I have to ask why you’re running the ee cummings gag.