Ed: The following is an assignment for my book writing class that is due tomorrow on the theme of “From Generation to Generation”. I just finished it. We’re supposed to practice writing narrative non-fiction. Comments always welcome. Maria and Alex are good friends of mine in Berkeley.
Farivar, Cyrus
Prof. Freedman
February 14, 2005
“From Generation to Generation”
WC: 1387
“Maria, receive these coins as a symbol of my total and free offering to you of all that I am and all that I have,” Alex said, his voice resonating softly in the wide stone altar.
“Alex, receive these coins as a symbol of my total and free offering to you of all that I am and all that I have,” Maria replied, looking back at him, attempting to say her lines without her immediate joy overwhelming her.
One Filipino wedding tradition is to have the groom give the bride a small handful of coins, showing his commitment to providing material wealth for her. Maria and Alex liked the spirit behind the tradition, just not necessarily the way in which it was to be carried out. Much of their Sept. 4, 2004 wedding was like this.
They had dated for nine years prior, since they met as freshman at UC Berkeley, a relationship that Maria once described as a “nine-year one-night stand.”
Their family and friends had come from various parts of the state, various parts of the country, and even a few from overseas to be there on a gorgeous fall day in Berkeley. Maria and Alex were married in a small Catholic church, a few short blocks from the university campus. But Alex is neither Catholic nor Filipino. Maria is both of these things. While not deeply religious, nor demonstrably Filipino, Maria wanted to have a Filipino wedding, but in her own way. Maria tried and tried to get Alex to contribute some cultural tradition of his family into the ceremony. The more that Alex investigated in his own family, the more he discovered that his family didn’t have any.
This was the first time that Alex had realized that he didn’t have a cultural heritage to draw on. It wasn’t so much that it bothered him, but he did wish that there was a way to represent his family in the ceremony. Maria continually pressed him for something to do or say that would be his, something that he could stake his claim to, so that Filipino traditions wouldn’t monopolize the ceremony. Alex couldn’t. The more he couldn’t come up with anything the more noticeable it became in his mind.
His grandparents, their best hope of the source of traditional wedding information from his side of the family, proved to be valuable. That is to say that their wedding was shortly followed the Depression and the party consisted of a few friends gathered on the doorsteps of the newlywed’s house with a bottle of champagne in someone’s hands and a desire to retain the jovial atmosphere. His family was not religious and hadn’t invoked any kind of cultural traditions either.
Together, in soon-to-be matrimony, Maria and Alex had to figure out what to do about the actual occasion. Maria recalled other Filipino weddings that she’d been to, various cousins and other relatives, who preserved the traditions of having family and friends act as “sponsors” to the newlyweds, who would bind them together in a series of symbolic gestures. Sponsors, in many Filipino weddings are similar to the idea of godparents. They are there to look after the new couple, and to guide them into married life. Sponsors also act as financial sponsors to the occasion, often contributing as high as $500 towards the wedding. There can be as many as six pairs of sponsors for a couple. Maria and Alex had three pairs of sponsors, and did away with the financial contribution requirement.
These six (or in their case, three) couples aid in the actual ceremony itself. One of their main jobs during the wedding is to perform three acts upon the marrying couple to symbolize their joining. The first is to pin a large wedding veil over the both of them, symbolizing sharing their sharing of one another. Theirs was Maria’s mother’s wedding veil, a Spanish mantilla, a large square piece of lace. The priest read: “Through the passing of years, let the veil remind you that you belong to each other and to no one else, and that the love you have for each other becomes more beautiful in self surrender that is total and pure.”
The second is to have a trio of candles lit in their honor (Alex’s aunt and uncle were assigned this task), with the large candle being lit from the two smaller ones by the marrying couple. The priest read: “In times of darkness and doubt, this light will direct your steps to the horizons of unlimited truth and understanding. The lighting of the unity candle signifies the coming together of two individuals, becoming one person in Christ.”
Traditionally, the two smaller candles are then blown out, demonstrating the extinguishing of their previous individual lives. Maria and Alex left their candles lit in subtle rebellion.
The third act is to tie a cord together around their shoulders, illustrating their bond to one another. Usually this cord is gold-colored, but Maria and Alex’s was blue and they bought it in New York. The priest read: “Keep the fire of your love aglow so that you can be a support to each other in all your concerns in life.”
When Maria’s parents were married, despite their both being Filipino, did not have any of these traditions either. Maria’s parents were married after they had only dated for four months, and her mother had just moved from Chicago to Southern California. When Maria asked her mother for advice, the elder woman became frustrated, as she could not provide her daughter with specific details of how the Filipino cultural traditions were carried out in the family. She had had only 10 people at the wedding, including herself and her husband-to-be, Maria’s father.
Maria wanted her wedding, in some sense, to be like the larger Filipino wedding that her parents had never had. Maria’s family members, most of them not strict traditionalists, didn’t care that they had veered from some of the prescribed specifics Ð the blue cord instead of a gold cord Ð so long as the three major elements, the veil, the candle and the cord were present. In some ways, it was good that Maria wanted to do these things at all, as many young second-generation Filipinos have lost these ceremonial ways in an effort to streamline their wedding (including a full mass, it can take up to two hours) for the sake of not confusing and being overly long for their guests.
Maria and Alex also opted out of the traditional Filipino dress and the two hour mass. The Communion at the end also became optional for those who wanted to partake, thereby at once satisfying Maria’s Catholic family and not imposing on Alex’s family and friends of other religious backgrounds. They selected Bible verses that were at once remindful of Maria’s Catholic background, but at the same time were not overly religious, nor what they considered to be outright absurd. Out of the body of traditionally selected Bible verses for weddings, Maria and Alex were given a list of ones that were common. One of the more common ones, they were told, was from the Song of Solomon (2:8 Ð 2:9)
Listen! My lover!
Look! Here he comes,
leaping across the mountains,
bounding over the hills.
My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag.
Look! There he stands behind our wall,
gazing through the windows,
peering through the lattice.
Maria laughed when she tried to picture Alex as a “young stag” who scampered across fields to be with her. Alex might saunter, or even stroll, but more likely he would just simply walk. He was that type of guy: reliable, fun and yet, tender. A friend of his once said that while Alex might not talk much, once you heard what he had to say, you knew that he was the smartest guy in the room.
Part of the Bible verses that Maria and Alex selected as part of their second reading (I Corinthians 12:7 Ð 12:8), early on in the service, alludes to their own perspective, and one that I was proud to have witnessed.
It bears all things, believes all things
Hopes all things, endures all things
Love never fails.
